So we’ve all had a giggle now and again when a student has mis-pronounced or slipped up. Now of course, we’re not taking the mickey, well we are, but come on I’ve had enough people laugh at my attempts to poliglot. So here are a few that I heard. No offence intended, but may be caused………….
- The girl with no scruples:
So let’s play a game, I said. The students must think of 4 true sentences about themselves and 4 false ones. The group then ask questions to decipher which ones are dross and which aren’t. Girl steps up to the plate: “I’ve had two boys at the same time” “Er, sorry, could you say that again please?”. “I’ve had two boys at the same time”. I think (and hope) she meant two boyfriends at the same time. I have a feeling the boy students were hoping that it was actually one of her true sentences.
- Is the native a fast learner?:
Students are interested in how we picked up all the vocab, grammar, phrasal verbs, idioms, etc and how we seemingly know everything that is put before us. But where did this knowledge come from? My personal favourite was when a student, with a perfectly straight face asked me: “when you learnt English, how long did it take for you to finish the course?” “Sorry, what?” The question was repeated. I was a little speechless and the girl had eyes like Bambi, so I did the right thing……….. “err about 5 years” I answered, and swiftly moved on.
- The Real Thing (or Phallicy):
Of course there are the cheap examples where the accent causes a little snigger. For example, the student who visited England and spent most of his evenings in the pub sipping back a cool glass of everyone’s favourite black fizzy liquid. However he had to practice his pub etiquette as initially he was asking the barman for a “bottle of cock”.
- Take your weight off your feet:
Students love holiday chat. It’s a crowd pleaser. Everyone can join in and the vocab is easy. Or is it. One group full of guys liked nothing more than sinking a few beers in the sun while lying on a “bitch”.
- The word that shall never be mentioned:
This one was tricky to explain to the students. It even got to the point where I was starting to teach the word “cannot” rather than “can’t” to avoid any pronunciation similarity to that taboo word.
I’m sure many of you have seen “The Italian man who went to Malta”. If not, it’s a video on You Tube where the accent is creating confusion, with hilarious consequences (or not depending on opinion). It’s cheap and I feel a little grubby laughing about it, but then if you can’t (sorry, cannot) laugh at other people, when can you?
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